


and it's you i hear, so loud and clear

by nsofties



Series: the visible spectrum [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - After College/University, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Childhood Friends, Eventual Happy Ending, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, M/M, Mark Lee (NCT)-centric, Mentioned Huang Ren Jun, Mentioned Lee Jeno, Mentioned Na Jaemin, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, companion piece to it's like dancing when the song's already over
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-10-23 17:24:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17687729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nsofties/pseuds/nsofties
Summary: Mark watches Donghyuck fall in love.For the first time in years, Donghyuck smiles like the boy that Mark remembers from their childhood. “I feel… better.”Mark’s been in love with Donghyuck for five years now and he hasn’t regretted it once. “I’m glad.”





	and it's you i hear, so loud and clear

**Author's Note:**

> snapshots of mark loving donghyuck the only way (i think) he can.
> 
> companion piece to "it's like dancing when the song's already over". i recommend reading that along with this one.

When Mark is thirteen, Donghyuck looks at him and tells him that he’s fallen in love. He shrugged, playing off his curiosity. It has been Mark and Donghyuck, Donghyuck and Mark, against the world since the day they met, so he isn’t surprised that his best friend falls in love first. He doesn’t ask  _ who _ it is and he figured that Donghyuck’ll tell him when he needs to know.

Mark figures out anyways, from the way that Donghyuck stares at Jeno when he thinks that no one is looking. No one else notices - or would catch it.  _ It’s best friend privileges _ , Mark thinks to himself over lunch as the others bicker over nothing. He never asks, but he knows Donghyuck well enough to realize that he hasn’t, isn’t, won’t tell Jeno.

So he keeps it to himself, doesn’t ask around if anyone else had noticed. Mark may be his best friend, but Donghyuck is stubborn, so he knows that he won’t be able to convince Donghyuck to say or do anything. Sometimes, if he’s bored, he’ll ask Donghyuck to describe colors to him. It’s become a game for them to play when they get bored. It’s a challenge, sometimes for Donghyuck to describe the colors without referencing other things, so he resorts to feelings. How he feels when he looks at the color.

“Can you describe blue to me, again? Your favorite blue.”

Donghyuck leans his head on his hand and hums thoughtfully. “Today my favorite blue is this beautiful shade of dark blue. It’s the color of the night sky right before the sun fully sets. It feels like sleep and home and rest.”

“I think I like blue. A lot.”

“It’s a pretty good color.”

 

* * *

 

Mark is sixteen and pouring over student council finances when Donghyuck speaks. “Jeno’s fallen in love three times.” He waits and looks at Mark, expecting him to interrupt. When he doesn’t, he continues speaking. “I know you know, right?” He smiles gently and leans his head on his hand. Mark puts his pen down and chews thoughtfully on his lip on how to answer.

“If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be your best friend.”

Donghyuck’s smile is the bitter kind of smile that Mark recognizes from countless get togethers, hangouts, lunches. He thinks that he would do anything to make that his  _ usual _ Donghyuck smile, and not the bitter smile on his face. He isn’t sure  _ what _ he can do, though. Mark blinks once, twice, before wondering what the  _ hell _ he’s looking at. He doesn’t recognize the scenery, blacks and whites and grays replaced with hues that he doesn’t even know the name of.

Mark steels himself, shaking his head. “So, what’re you gonna do?”

“I don’t know, Mark. You tell me.”

“Do whatever you think will make you happiest.”

 

* * *

 

Mark is eighteen and video calling Donghyuck from his dorm. He listens to his best friend talk for hours about how  _ good _ Jaemin and Renjun looked at prom together and how Jeno ended up going with another runner from the track team. Mark doesn’t miss the bitterness in Donghyuck’s voice as he mentions Jeno, and his date, but it’s wiped away quickly, forgotten in favor of talking about how terrible dinner during prom was. He catches something about the rice being over cooked and mush, but if Mark is being honest, he’s heard variations of this talk multiple times and it rarely changes. But, it wouldn’t be Mark if he didn’t at least pretend to listen.

He wishes that he could’ve gone home to see them all off, but he’s always been an overachiever, and summer courses offered the opportunity to get ahead with his degree. Mark isn’t even sure if the degree he’s pursuing is what he wants, but he studies hard regardless, hoping that somewhere along the way he’ll figure out what he really wants to do. Donghyuck has, in his brief introspection, cycled back to talking about Renjun and Jaemin. There’s a pause, and the length makes Mark realize he should contribute something to the conversation.

“Did you go with anyone?” Mark pauses from highlighting his reading.

“No. Just with friends.”

“Was it okay?”

“It was okay.” Donghyuck waves a hand flippantly, shrugging. “ _ Anyways _ , Mr. College Student. What’re you up to?”

“It’s not even a week into summer courses and we have homework. Just some readings, though. That’s it. Excited to be done with high school?”

“ _ So excited _ . Excited to be my roommate?”

Mark purses his lips as he returns to his reading. “We are  _ not _ rooming together. You’re rooming with another first year.”

“ _ Ugh _ . You’re no fun.”

 

* * *

 

At nineteen, Mark lets it slip. Donghyuck stomps into the library, unfazed by the glares of surrounding students. His backpack slams onto the table and Mark stares at it in confusion. The question is right on the tip of his tongue, but Donghyuck already knows what he’s about to ask. “Yeah, it’s new. Some kid ran my old one over with a fucking  _ car _ .”

“... How.”

“That’s beside the point. I have an exam to cram for.” Donghyuck studies by laying his head on his open textbook and scrolling through his phone. Mark recognizes that his friend isn’t going to get any studying done, so he puts down his pen and looks around for something to distract him from social media.

“I mean, I like your new backpack, at least. Red, blue, and yellow look good together.”

Donghyuck pauses, his face shooting up. A page of text tears out with his sudden movement and he stares at Mark as he frantically attempts to apologize for never telling him. Shaking his head, he smiles, pulling the flimsy piece of paper from his face. “You never asked me, so I won’t ask you.” His words don’t placate Mark’s apologies, though the librarian asking them to leave does.

They find themselves in the local ice cream parlor owned by an alumni, John Seo. As soon as they walk in, he starts to prepare their usual orders, bringing them to their table with a bill when he finishes. The two best friends don’t talk about it again.

Part of Mark wants to. Wants to just tell Donghyuck that he’s been in love with him since he was sixteen and that all he wants is Donghyuck to be happy. That he could care less about Donghyuck loving him back. That he just wants Donghyuck to be happy again - the happy that they were as seven year olds on the playground after school.

“So… did you finish studying for your exam?”

“Shit!”

 

* * *

 

When Mark finally,  _ finally _ turns twenty-two after graduating, Donghyuck and he find themselves in their favorite diner in their hometown. The fries and burgers and  _ everything _ are so familiar that it puts Mark’s heart at ease as he waits for Donghyuck to speak. He can tell his best friend has been dying to tell him something since he picked him up.

“I can’t see color anymore.”

He pauses from chewing on a fry and tries not to choke, his throat suddenly dry. He knows that Donghyuck is waiting for a response, so he takes a sip of his soda before replying. “Oh.”

“Like. At all.”

“ _ Oh _ .” Mark knows that he’s looking for a different response, maybe something other than just a sound, but he can’t help it. He isn’t sure what to say. It’s been nine years for Donghyuck, who rolls his eyes at Mark’s response with slightly-amused smile.

“Yeah. I guess I’m finally over Jeno.” Donghyuck pauses and it’s long enough to feel awkward, but not long enough for Mark to interject. “You know, I’m going to be honest. I’m… I’m so relieved I wrote a  _ whole _ letter to Jeno about the past - uh, how long as it been? Nine?  _ Wow _ . Nine years. But, yeah. It’s… over.”

“How does it feel?”

For the first time in years, Donghyuck smiles like the boy that Mark remembers from their childhood. “I feel… better.”

Mark’s been in love with Donghyuck for five years now and he hasn’t regretted it once. “I’m glad.”

 

* * *

 

Mark is twenty-five and he knows that Jeno is probably confessing to Donghyuck. It was hard not to notice how Jeno would look at Donghyuck when they would all reunite. Mark has always been perceptive and Jeno is no exception to it. Mark had convinced Donghyuck to bring the letter he wrote a few years back, saying it was probably a good idea to have it around, just in case.

He waits for Donghyuck to return and thinks about how loving Donghyuck is something that came naturally, albeit unexpectedly. Mark thinks that he probably loved Donghyuck his entire life, and that he didn’t acknowledge it until his heart was ready to. Waiting for Donghyuck wasn’t easy, but it wasn’t hard, either. For Mark, all that mattered, matters, is Donghyuck’s happiness. He would always tell him to grab control of his life - confess and move forward.

Life is weird and Mark never expected that after six years of unrequited love, Donghyuck would kick open his apartment door and tell Mark that, he was always right, and it was about time he took control of his own life, starting by confessing his love for one Mark Lee. All Mark could say was, with a smile, “You know, I would’ve been content loving you from afar for the rest of my life.”

Donghyuck had rolled his eyes and laughed, like all the weight in the world had been lifted off his shoulders. “I’m sorry you had to wait so long.”

“I’m sorry you had to wait even longer.”

**Author's Note:**

> title taken from coldplay’s shiver  
> i want to take this moment to talk a little about mark’s feelings, and why they don’t seem to be as deeply rooted in pain and uncertainty as jeno and donghyuck’s did. the main - and most important reason - is because of the way that mark loves donghyuck and the way his love changed over time. mark loves donghyuck deeply and with understanding that comes from their years of growing together. for mark, his happiness stems from donghyuck’s - and so, as long as donghyuck is happy, mark is content. mark is, as i tend to depict him, content to love from afar. i tend to leave the future obscure once i establish relationships because love is confusing and it’s uncontrollable, and there’s likelihood that mark’s way of loving donghyuck, no matter how deep and well-rooted, would lead to issues. and i’ve thought that far, but i think i prefer to let people interpret the future. mark, also, is content because he’s not really all that romantic - he likes to call himself a realist, and i think he is... almost to a fault. that’s why, in the end, donghyuck is the one who confesses to mark.  
> again, choppy, not edited. just wanted to get this out of the drafts before i go back to working on my ten-centric fic.  
> i hope you enjoyed hehe


End file.
